Loss of a Pet – Helping Your Child Understand the Death of a Pet

The loss of a pet, the beloved family pet, may be the first death experience children face.  It is very traumatic for the child and should not be trivialized. Their feeling and emotions are very real and they are trying to process the situation as best they can. They need the support and understanding of caring adults to work through what has happened and what it means to them personally.  

The loss of a pet and the surrounding activity can be a catalyst for growth and understanding with the whole family.  The whole family, but especially the children need a time of bereavement when a pet dies.  You may want to consider pet loss counseling, which is a rapidly growing industry.

Talking and sharing thoughts and emotions is one of the best ways to cope.  That is why people gather after a funeral to share stories and acknowledge the part the deceased has had in their lives.

It is a teaching moment to share openly about what is going on in our hearts, minds and bodies. Recognize that not all children or adults grieve the same way. So, do not expect the child to be openly sad or to be appearing uncaring in their attitude about the loss of a pet.  It may take some time to process what this loss means to them.

No matter how the child may appear to be taking the news, do have a period of time just for them to talk and you to listen.  After sharing their fears or concerns, you will want to reassure them that they are safe and loved. This may be the opportunity to teach the values and beliefs that you may not have shared with your family. Express sympathy about the loss of a pet and perhaps share a poem or quote that you have found comforting.

A great many of the people who deal with depression or feelings of suicide as adults suffer from some sort of sorrow they never had the opportunity to work out as a child.

Children can learn the importance of responsibility at an early age by acting as a caretaker for a pet, but may feel the reason the dog was killed by a car was because they weren’t responsible enough.  As a caring adult, you will want to allow the child to feel the sadness and then help them to recognize that accidents happen and there is no reason to feel shame or blame.

It is important that they recognize that the life span of a pet is somewhat shorter (usually) than a human and so they aren’t expected to live as long. When the fish dies after a month, we acknowledge the happiness we enjoyed together, even as we flush the remains down the toilet. Children need to be taught that all life is precious, but some may be shorter than others

Pets can also help children learn to deal with medical illness as they take part in the care of a sick and helpless animal. This is a prime time to teach about caring and compassion.

For more information and an excellent book on facing the loss of a pet, please go to http://www.Deathofmypet.com  This is a well written guide to assist in going through this traumatic time.